oh motherhood

Hi! Well a few things before I get started on my thoughts of the day. I just have to say first off that if you have never had a mixed berry"power crunch" protein bar, you have not lived. You know those wafers cookies that have cream in them that are chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry? Well these bars taste like those AND have a white chocolate coating, i think they have 14gr protein and only 5 or 3 gr of sugar. ALL the flavors are good and you can get them at HyVee. Also, on my journey I have now had the weirdest thing ever 0sugar 0carb 0fat salad dressing. this one was chipolte ranch, so its kinda good, probably as can be expected but all day i have a taste like i smoked a cig and/or drank a pot of unflavored bad coffee. Not cool, maybe there was liquid smoke or something in it to give it that taste??oh well, that is what gum is for i guess. So ya, going good on my new habits of eating, I just made my family linguine with cheese/marinara sauce and shrimp so im not gonna lie, it looked good and makes me a little sad to know i wont be eating it tonight. But its not forever. :) Have you ever heard the saying "will that taste as good as fitting into your jeans will feel?" I think its a weight watchers statement who knows, but it is so true and a good realization for me. I just so excited about all these things that are coming into play. Our last year has been full of so many decisions and struggles that it is good to be on the "figuring stuff out" side.
In all honesty just like any other time, the one thing that struggles as I dive into a new project, my devotional time. I was at the grocery store, calling clients, at work, oops my daughter didn't have her swimsuit quick ran and got that too daycare, back to work, now home to make supper, then back to work until 9pm. So why didn't I get up early this morning and just do it first thing?! same reason i always make, I don't have to be to work until later so i'll have plenty of time later. Well, i don't want to fall into that rut again. I have a problem multitasking, and yes i said problem. Its no longer a super hero trait as i once assumed. Im realizing if I'm somewhere i need to be ALL there. Not 10 different places. Im a little nervous about kindergarten starting for that reason alone. that i will forget to make mya do her homework, forget to pack her lunch, etc. well, that actually has been my worst fear creeping in lately. mentally I feel a little overtook by my worry about this world gobbling up my little girl. She can have such strong thoughts and view points and is so mature for her age, but the second a 7 yr old girl, any older girl in her mind is so much cool, ask her to do something naughty she'd be all over it. Well at least thats what my mind says. This is just all worse bc her and I have butted heads for two days, eye rolling, talking back, being sassy, you know the "girl" drill. Last night she was crying bc i said we couldn't go get a movie before we do her hair(it takes a good hour to do her hair) bc that was her consequence for the way she was acting ( and oh, she drew a calendar on her wall in pen for her "class" she was teaching) Well huge tears and murmurings of how she doesn't want to be sassy and she can't stop crying bc she is just so sad about not getting a movie. oh my. I just feel like at any moment i could loose her to her attitude. I pray for God to continue to move in her heart and he answers me in small moments of the wise things, spiritual things, she says to me. So going into this school thing i will have to be on my prayer "A" game. Josh and I love the book "gospel powered parenting" by william p. farley. And one of the biggest things for me to remember is that there is nothing we can do to give salvation to our children, thats between God and them. But it is about us living it out and giving them the tools to deal with all this world shoves at them. We protect as we feel needed to a certain point and then when something comes up we look at it a learning moment. Also, I need to remember instead of being such a rule monger-is that a word?- or so bent on her being perfect that I remember to deal more with heart issues than little things. but im learning, for instance i said no to the justin bieber backpack but i said she could get a notebook with him on it. see how nice i am?!?! but i mean seriously she's five!! but whatever i heard his songs and there kinda cute and not in bad taste, so im cool with this fan favorite :) ugh, i love being a momma but this job is never done is it? ask any women with kids out of the house, you just never stop worrying. Thankfully I have an amazing perspective from adoption being that my children are truly from God given to me here on earth to raise and to teach Jesus to them. ultimately they are his and in HIS hands, thankfully!! Just like I am adopted into His family so are we all when we give our lives to him and except what he did when he sent his son here to die for us! wow never can I imagine sending my child to die in place of this world in all its scariness and perversion. Thank you Jesus for my children and for this amazing responsibility you have given me. Thank you that you knew I was the perfect choice to mother Mya and Payton. You know all their traits and downfalls and also all there strengths and abilities, please help me to encourage these and to always give you room to move and to work in there lives. Help me to step out of my own way.

laura