So if I haven't said before, I'm a hairstylist. In the world of the salon though you do hair, you rarely get your own hair done. You touch up here and there, you get by you grab someone when you can. Definitely not a nice sit down get pampered experience. I have needed something new for awhile and had thought and thought and looked and looked. But have had my hair growing for years now so knew i didn't want to cut it. So i decided to go from darker to lighter, ish. Well for some reason since i booked my apt a week ago and it looked like there was room in the salon for a nice amount of time, i thought it would be a nice process. But i really should've know better esp. on a friday. So ok ill speed this up, when you are going lighter from dark you always have the risk of damage. That said, after washing my hair out and in between clients and sitting and mixing and all the commotion, i took a minute and went to the back room to comb out my wet hair before the next stage. Also, this is like an hour past i was supposed to pick up my kiddos (i promised my daughter we would go to lunch). As i was by myself starring in the mirror, i had on no makeup and after staring at myself in sweat pants for an hour and just plain feeling ugly, i began combing. I began pulling out comb fulls of hair after comb fulls of hair. It was like chemo all over, i was in shock. I began crying and hyperventilating thinking through what i would do. everyone was booked and no one even had time to finish my hair let alone FIX my hair!!! I had to stop combing and just stand and cry.....My blanket, the one thing about me that felt pretty lately my long hair was going to be gone. After a few nice words and a hug from our massage therapist i composed my red eyes grabbed my phone. My good friend also does hair and i called her and she said to come right over, she had some time. Thank you God. I almost ran out and began driving and praying. "ok God maybe it is time maybe you have a plan". when i walked in her eyes were hilarious, she thought i was over reacting, nope.... not so much. Immediately it was so calming to see her. Her and i have been friends for over 10 yrs and have been through many "life" events on both our ends. Our friendship has paused and come back stronger through Christ and we have both grown so much but I love seeing God work on her and her heart. Her attitude calmed me down and we began cutting, like 8 inches by 8 inches cutting, then coloring to go back dark, then cutting some more then cutting some more. But do you know I wasn't thinking about the hair anymore. We had a chance to catch up, to talk peacefully in a quiet atmosphere about where our hearts are, what was going on and how God was moving in our lives. And then it happened. I looked in the mirror and realized i had my trendy look of short stylish hair back. Yep first I got my purse, now I was getting my style back. I was looking at my reflection and it was like this horrible blanket of the dark last year had been lifted, who's body is this?!?! i asked next. this isn't me. this isn't how i treat Gods temple, its not about weight its about a complete disregard to care for myself bc im too overstressed to take time to care. its me letting my past creep in and take over my mind of self destruction and loathing of hopelessness. NO MORE. I drove over, immediately after thanking and singing praises to my dear friend,to my old doctors building where I have in the past done an eating plan. Im ready to take a month(to start) and kick this habit. Im ready to be Laura again.
Im brought to tears just saying that. I wish i could express how hard it is to loose yourself and then slowly see God bring your smile back, bring your hope back, bring who he made you to be out. its not about a purse or hair or body fat, its about closing myself out, putting myself into the darkness bc i thought it was more comfortable here. ITS NOT!!! this verse reigns in my head the last two weeks "I am the way the truth and the light" NOT "food is the way, or clothes are the way, or perfection, I-God. It popped in my head and has been continuing to remind me that all my other ways are not going to last, all my other roads to happiness are not going to always follow through. This world will fade away, God will reign forever.
yep all this from a haircut:) Maybe God continue to be full amazing moments in my life, amazing revelations as I study His word and listen to the spirit. And thank you, thank you God for ALL the amazing friends in my life!!!
May you reflect on you life through Gods eyes,
Laura
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