Get me outta this mall!!!!

Proverbs 4: 23
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (emphasis mine)

So I am praying for my husband this morning and this verse is on the list (of 31 days of praying for your husband). And it strikes me as I read the commentary is talking on our hearts, that God created for love and desire, but we need to make sure those desires and affections push us in the right direction and not lead us into sin. We need to keep our eyes forward and not get sidetracked on detours that lead us down the wrong path. So here's an example.
So I when I go shopping for clothes I may really need, I get into the mall and all around me is all my insecurities in flashing lights. Women nicely dressed, trendy clothes, shopping bags in tow. Mannequins staring at me in the latest fashion, different than what I just saw in the magazine bc now they have changed. Sales flashing but in reality all the newest styles priced above average. And when I walk into the store I don't feel happy, I feel overwhelmed and depressed. I literally have to start in one corner and move through the store not jumping around too much and keeping my eyes on one thing at a time. Then when out of the corner of my eye I look across the hall to another store and see a cute outfit in the window and think "maybe thats the outfit that will finally make me feel 'up to par' " its really never enough bc once i get an outfit im depressed I don't have shoes or accessories. And then i leave the store and see someone in something better and again I don't feel happy about my purchase I feel like I need to keep going. Then I talk to one of my friends who says they just got this great 30% of a 30% sale so they got a shirt for 4$ and then I feel guilty. I just spent 100$ and feel exhausted but in reality I should've looked around more for sales...........
This may sound crazy to those who don't have this sort of self- esteem issue but maybe can relate in another way. But here is my point, I know i struggle with this. I know look at shopping different. I can't randomly shop, it has to be purposeful. I can't run into target for toilet paper and quick look at dresses. It engulfs my time and my energy. I am protecting my heart from sin. From that feeling of anxiety, from feeling under provided for and then feeling guilty for giving into the temptation of basing my everything on what others think of me. And now with my daughter, being sooo careful I don't impose my insecurities on to her. Yes, she likes shopping and picking out clothes, but what if one day she doesn't? or wants something not trendy. I truly battle mornings when she comes out in something less cute than I know she can wear, and not saying anything. "God protect my mouth from saying anything to my beautiful daughter!" and then I can see it.... and I can grow/learn. Now, I just have to be able to protect myself from my own thoughts :) GAURD your hearts. Relationships that are unhealthy, work that is unsatisfying and unessary, even church related activities that are overwhelming or guilt ridden. As a women differentiating things that are God given passions of mine that keep me on the right path and then desires that just fulfill "self" is a blurry line sometimes. So this verse is my prayer not just for my husband today but for myself and for anyone reading this. Are we more afraid of other people's opinions? or are we doing things to stay on Gods path and feel his fulfillment?

Ok so seriously though if I start just like wearing holey sweatpants and tshirts will someone intervene and be my shopping buddy so Im not afraid!?! ;0) Isn't it funny how the things you perceive someone may have under complete control is their one insecurity.......

Let God be your protector, and let him guard you heart and guide your path,
Laura