I just wanna LIVE!

ahhh back at my morning hours... love it... almost didn't get up.... almost didn't meet God in this hour before my house stirs.... what i would've missed. I mean im just gonna dive right in this morning. my fingers are messing up im so excited.
right now im listening to "i will not be moved" by natalie grant. my scream in the car, cry to God song, "on the Christ the solid ground i stand all other ground is sinking sand" how many times in my life has satan been right there to make me whine make me sad make me give me opportunities to feel broken... and I will NOT be moved!!!!
I listened to Beth Moore this morning and was laughing out loud. http://http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/living-proof-with-beth-moore/player/the-inheritance-dvd-1-of-9-162348.html
So heres what im thinking. Josh and I just keep having these realizations of what are life really looks like. I just sit with him and we name all we have on our plate and then try to figure out how the heck to stop it! Its great we have work; work is good but we are busy check life off a "to-do"list kinda people. Some of my friends marry there opposites and are balanced out by that, i am not. I am busy and Josh is busier. But God put us together and for that I am eternally grateful and He put us together so we would bring Him glory by learning and growing. How many times to i hear stories of people living in complete bliss only to find out they are divorced years later?? Ya we have had some crap to live through some serious cords have been bonded between us. So ya 10 yrs later here we are still growing:) thats right 10 yrs of prep time!!! All we have been through, listen to this 10 months after we started dating I got my cancer diagnoses. So for 13 almost 14 years we have lived this live in drama survival mode. Not many people I know start there marriages off in that mode. But that's my story, i own it. I love, love where we are now, what we learn how we grow. That doesn't mean i wake up every morning feeling amazing mushiness of overwhelming happiness and love for my husband. But gratefulness, and i look at him and see God's grace through him. We have been bonded by Christ and we someday will live together in heaven with no worries, no sickness, no business, but everlasting fun excitement and joy.
Time. Time on this earth is so short, it feels so unbearably long sometimes, but then, especially after kids, it flies by. So why do i worry, why do i wonder what God has planned with me?! As I see it, i see him using all he has given me to prep me for what is to come. The one major thing I learned this morning is that God did not say to his children "go forth and be good" he said go forth and believe in God, live in the faith that once you have given your life to him and he is your savior that you will spend ETERNITY (not now on earth)in complete perfection. This life is hard, but sometimes we make it harder. I just feel such a release taking off the expectations and burdens of guilt off my shoulders from this world and putting on his light load. His load is so light because it is one thing. Follow me. When im frustrated with my job he says, "just follow me", when im irritated with my family he says,"just follow me", when I feel burdened he says, "give me your load so you can more easily follow me". How do i do that? I let go. I literally have to change my mindset. One thing lately is embracing exactly how God created me, it wasn't a mistake. So my daughter is up now, and not amused im not paying 100% attention to her. And i just said, "honey you don't want to get in trouble because you are bored" So i think thats a good lesson for me to end my thoughts on for myself. I don't want to give into temptation bc i think in my "eeyore" head..."well this is my life... this is how its supposed to be... i have to serve others.... be a slave to my family.....i have to follow the bible....i have to be pefect, i have to just do good and be good" nope. thats not living. thats not Godly living, thats the worlds' perception on what it means be a christian, boring rules boring life. Thats not how i feel- i feel thankfull i feel blessed i feel so excited for where God has brought me and my eternity with him. I feel, for the first time in a long time, able to put things in perspective and live, i just want to LIVE!!!
Gods heiress,
laura