ooooh coffee. I just don't know if i could get up at 5:30 with out even smelling it brewing. But guess what people? I finally did a workout video yesterday, yep thats right since july 4th: my boil, random allergy attack, then a 5 week cough, bronchitis, cold epidemic and I have mustered up enough strength to take care of myself:) I got my good ol Julian Michael's 30 day shred out since i just cant go to the gym on days I work I'd have to get up at 4:30am no thanks!!! So only 20 minutes of some sweating and yep... im sore today. oh well, it feels good to have taken that dreaded first step. We hopefully have a more regulated week this week. Ps. still sad about my baby going to school, every day I drop her off.
Well, Ive been building up on things that have struck me this weekend, so: reader beware. Starting this blog made me quite nervous and still does. Not nervous about sharing my personal info, you loose all that modesty in front of tons of doctors and constantly having to explain things to people. And lay half naked in those darn gowns :) Im afraid bc I get attack with thoughts that my story is that big of a deal. Afraid someone with much more, much worse of a situation might read it and roll their eyes. Im afraid of talking about myself too much. But then here's what my God does to my heart. I see people who write books, speak at events, or are just a motivation to people who may have only went through just one life changing event and there are just using that to greatest glory for God. And I think, "wow! that is such an amazing story!" Then I think "oh.. ya... I've had a few of those, stories" Actually I sometimes wonder why God would choose our little family to take on all these "stories".
So here's what I've realized about myself. I always feel like when I share the gospel with people Im doing a sales pitch. Like "hey! buy this! its gonna change your life" which is true, when you accept Christ and his blood shed for our sins, it changes your life, it SAVEs your life. However, people don't respond to sales pitches, too many Kerby salesman have been to our doors. Then I remember, God isn't an option or a want, He's a NEED. The statistic says there is a 100% chance we will die. The bible says there is a 100% chance we will stand in front of God when we do to hold account for our lives. The one true almighty judge, just in every part of His being. And when He asks me why I deserve to come into his Almighty kingdom the home he created for his children, i will say, "there is nothing, nothing I could do on earth to justify my actions, to make a mends with your holiness God. Then you spoke to my heart that I didn't need to "do" and "fix". You showed me a picture of your Son Jesus, dying on the cross for me Laura Hejl and covering ALL my sin with His blood. Once that happened I became clean, I was adopted into your family" Now, by this time I will be crying and on my knees, and He will pick me up and give me the most amazing hug I will ever have felt and he will say "welcome HOME child". And that is a story worth telling people.
So darn it, I will tell MY STORY, ok so funny thing bc I was gonna name this blog "lauras story" and then the song "blessings" by "laura story" came out and I didn't want to look like a copy cat, but funny thing is that song is sooo my life. But I am tired of thinking I have nothing to share. God put a story in ALL of us. A story he can use to His glory. Just the other day I had another adoption story to share and talk over with someone, and once again someone I know has been diagnosed with cancer, all things I just want to reach out and just assure people and tell them its possible to conquer these things. So thats my prayer, that when I talk to people I stop trying to force things. I just remember how much I love Jesus and how he has saved me and continually is blessing me. Because no one can deny the things that have come from Him in all my times of need, no man could have brought me out of thoughts that I've had during those days of so much pain, so much hopelessness, never ending hospital stays and worthlessness running through my mind. And no one can tell me it wasn't Gods loving hand using His people to help my family in time of financial need when cancer sucked all my parents money out of their pockets and now ours. And no one can tell me that it was "fate" that made me not able to carry children, put it on both Mya and Paytons birthparents hearts to first put their babies up for adoption then look at our profiles and choose us to parent their children. How can I look at my life at all and not see the glorious hand of God at work. oooh now im crying. this is why i do need to blog. How we forget the blessings, how we let the business of life let us forget we need to slow down and think.
I have had it laid on my heart to look at what I have, invest in it, do with it what I can and God will use it. THE END
LOVE IN THE DEEPEST
laura
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