Well here i am on day 16 of having a staph infection on my leg. Just switched antibiotics yesterday so the dreaded appointment if it doesn't get better is wednesday. then... well i'll spare you the details and hopefully i will be spared from even having to go in again. You know you really should NEVER research some things on the wwweb. especially pictures of illnesses you have and people talking about worst case scenarios.. so i am now certain i will have to have to amputate my leg and possibly have a complete shutdown of all my organs ;) So here is my life lesson from this...it has been a long few months of self destruction and by that i mean feeling more than run down- finding low thyroid, having a major allergic reaction to something i've eaten time and time before and now this boil. But what has been most damaging to my soul is the beating i give myself mentally through all this. I haven't been able to go to the gym for almost a month now ( and when i say this hopefully you can understad that this is more than just for my physical health)and when i don't do that i tend to not care as much how i eat and when i do that i tend to just stand in the mirror and tell myself what a complete waste i am and how i have no willpower. THAT IS A LIE!! this morning i was learning about how everthing on this earth, if we are in Christ and he is our savior, is Gods' inheritance to us and we are stewards. EVERYTHING. mathew 25:14 tells a parable about a man going on journey and entrusting his property to his servants. That is us, everything we are given on this earth is entrusted to us our time, our bodies, our work, our land(what we own). The thing is that sometimes I feel so seperated from God and I think through if there is any sin im being unrepentant of and can't think of anything and what im realizing is that a constant sin i have in my life is my abuse of what God has entrused me with. heres the thoughts....."I can't handle having kids" "im a bad wife" "i cant even get to the gym i mights as well not even try to eat healthy" "i hate my body its so different and no one else has to deal with all these problems" "im just going to watch tv all night, my brain already feels like mush from my day" " i can't even fit into my pants! what a loser!" (and many more im maybe to scared to share)you know the drill... the thing is when does it become a passing thought and when does it rule my life... well it has begun to rule when i feel i have no control and im not guarding against it ive given into it. My journey includes recognizing who i am in Christ, how he loves me and how he has given me: not without purpose and good cause: everything in my life to better serve him.. then on the other side of this world i will turn in all my wordly inheritance and recieve the most unimaginable heavenly inheritance perfect in every way and I will bow before my King in awe and amazement at how each day each hour of my life was perfectly designed for me and how through every second never once did He leave my side.
let me leave with this EPHESIANS 1:11
"In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will." AMEN to that!!!
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