Recognize, Repent, Remove

Well this should be a quick post.  I just needed to update and hopefully get back into the habit of posting more as it has proven time and time again to be very cleansing for my soul.  I was driving to the gym this morning, for the first time since before Christmas, and I was so nervous.  Very emotional very sad that I had to feel like I was starting over once again at feeling well.  Nervous I would make a fool of myself at how weak my body is after 2 1/2 weeks of not doing anything and of course, since I was emotionally "bummed" by all this drama, my eating wasn't the greatest either.  So I knew I would hear some wrath from my trainer as well.  But dang it- I did it.  I didn't back out I just went.  And yes I had to sit on the bike instead of jump on a treadmill and run, and yes I was winded doing half of what he normally makes me do, but I did it.  It's like a hurdle... that day on the calendar that event or anything you dread, once you do it- its not that bad and its amazing to be done.
Of course I relate this to my spiritual journey and how God is constantly reminding me of His presence in my life.  Once I give into to what God is trying to pull me out of, its amazing and its truthful and it heals me.  When I was going through cancer and surgeries I would reach low points at the end of each surgery "down time".  I would block God out of my daily life bc I just wanted to wallow in my sadness.  And lately this past month especially that is how I feel.  I have this knot in my stomach this aching feeling the kind that any wrong song on the radio and wrong comment from a friend or family member and you tear up kind of knot.  I wasn't using my resources God has given me, I wasn't letting him have my sin.  I know sin is such a "hot topic" word and people relate it to dramatic wrongs but truthfully and through scripture we see it can be a little as being selfish(making ourselves a god) or thinking worthless thoughts or angry thoughts towards people blaming them for how we feel.  And I just know, mostly from experience that this is the welled up matter in my soul right now.  I'm slowly recognizing, repenting, and letting Him remove it from my life.
God does not promise this as a Christian, a follower of Christ, to be easy.  He will continually be growing me in Him.  And just like I have to discipline my children out of love so they can be healthy and happy and strong, so He does for me.  I am a stronger person I ever was.  I love my God more and more every day.  I see how amazing and solid and true the bible is.  I recognize my need more and more through these situations to call on Him DAILY.  And the most important thing I love is that no matter how down I get my eternal hope is never wavered and that is my strength to go one more day.
Laura