My brain makes me tired

well I've fiddled around long enough this morning I will probably have to write this in seperate times today.  I've been listening to Beth Moores' wisdom for moms and it was such an amazing series.  Then I prayed for my family and did my devotional and all the while thought of things to vent/blog about.  My brain hurts my body.  I truly wish I had an "on" and "off" button for this brain of mine. I was listenting to an amazing sermon yesterday in church and here's what kept creeping in.  "hmmm, maybe I should make a meal for that family in Mya's class that just had a baby, that would make thoughtfull.  hmmm, I wonder what Mya will wear for all her homecoming days next week, ugh I'd have to go buy things.  hmmm I don't think I talked to "so and so" about how they are doing, I hope they don't think I don't care"  All the while I kept snapping out of it and trying to focus.
I heard on the radio the other day something that Im afraid has been becoming part of me motto.  "we grew up with the statement 'Go big or go home' and so when we can't go big, we just go home."  That really could be the end of my blog there.  But then if anyone reads this they won't get there 500 words :)  I just make myself tired with all the things I THINK I should be doing. Not just as a mom but as a christian.  I think, "who am i witnessing to, who knows that Christ is my life, who even thinks i care!" then i begin my laundry list of "to do's".  I see others doing nice things and I think that is what I should do.  I see others making things, baking things, taking care of others kids, sending things, then I just go home.  I can't do it all so I just go home.  Or is that really what is going on?   Because you know what.. Mya is 5, it doesn't REALLY matter if she dresses up for homecoming. My friends all have very turbulent busy seasons right now and they understand if I haven't talked to them in awhile.  (thats what i love about them).  And when I really feel God moving me to send a card or make a meal I do, and i love every second of it.  I am just so grateful for things like this devo i listened to this morning to remind me that I do not live in crazy town population: me.  There are others out there other moms other women and im sure men who feel the same way.  So much good to do, so much that can make it about US what WE can handle.  Well, you know what? right now in this phase of our lives I can't handle much more than what is going on in our lives.  I should be greatful for the random moment of time to send a card or make a phone call, but its never enough in my mind.
I am just focusing on this.  I am grateful for my church, without true christian fellowship I don't know what or where i'd be.  We are in a sunday school right now focusing on parenting, uh ya gonna need to take this twice.  Wow what an eye opener it is.  This is a time in my life I never knew would require so much dedication, so much purposeful talk, attention and prayer.  I am refocusing what Im focused on.  If I have to withdraw from other things right now that has to be ok, for my families sake.  I think the reason God gave me the life He did, the reason He gave me the children he did, is so I would have to focus.  I mean this life has been no "la ti da" sail through life.  It has been me on a boat in rough seas continually clinging to Gods hand.  He has taught me also that the lifesavers he sends me I need to hang on to and all else i need to let go of.
I need to hang onto my deep relationships ones that encourage me, grow me in faith, deliver me through rough times and keep me in check.  its better to have 1 friend with roots a thousand inches deep than to have a 1000 friends 1 inch deep

I need to build my own self knowledge in the word, prayer time and who I am in Christ instead of worry about everyone else relationships.

I need to STAY AWAY from things that cause my mind to wonder, to feel guilty and eat my energy of who I am.

I need to let go of unneeded drama.

I need to let go of unneeded drama ( i thought that deserved repeating)

I need to let go of worldly expectations

I need to be purposefully in everything I do as I am representing God to my children, including letting them know I need Him just as much as they do.

okay, so 500+ words i did finish and no one is even awake yet!! May God bless your day, may He speak truth to you as He does to me straight through my tough shell.

laura