silly little blog, silly woman thoughts

this is possibly the stupidist(not a word i know) thing i have blogged about to date, but its tough for me so maybe its tough for someone else to....

well im feeling just a little attacked in the area of body image and looks these past couple days.  so im sick of dwelling so im blogging.  i've been googling swimwear for 45 min and once again coming up empty handed.  with my post cancer body i have to have a very specific swimsuit.  and as i browse here are some memories i have
boating with friends and feeling excited i found a suit that was a somewhat of a swimdress and my friends sister says "oh I had that exact swimsuit when I was pregnant"

going to a hotel recently and a women in her 60's with the exact style of swimsuit on as me.

going to the pool with my friends and feeling like the frumpiest mom

i like my suits to have style and personality and i end up with a cookie cutter lands end suit.  nothing wrong with them i just feel old.  so i've been googling retro suits like i want and they all are cut down to the belly button, out of my size, or a little to bootylicious.

so im feeling overwhelmed and defeated. look im so exhausted i cant even capitalize my sentences, jeepers.  you know, there is just always someone prettier, always someone skinnier always someone craftier and someone calmer.  I see women all week long, im supposed to be making them prettier and have more self confidence and sometimes in return i am drained of all mine.  I'm surrounded by pretty people :) and i love them.   i am just a little bummed, it happens EVERY year this time. it gets nice out and everyone is carefree headed to the pool and beach and i dread it, its a lot of work for me.  i have to have extra illeostomy bags everywhere i go, i have to be contious if my bag is showing, i have to make sure i can keep up with the kids and still be in one piece myself.

ok done. done venting. i think i just needed to pry myself off google. off to work now... feeling better already mostly do to pandora and jimmy needham/dara maclean :)

happy swimsuit shopping
laura