So I just love Shawn Mcdonald lately, that's where the title of this post came today. I don't know why I have researched him more before I know many of his songs but lately as I listen to the words they just speak truth to me.
So today has just been such a good meditation, reflection day. Yesterday was for the first half a huge energy sucker emotionally then physically and after a small meltdown to my poor husband on his lunch break I finally just prayed out loud that God would remove this 5 yr old attitude I had, help me to release other peoples problems from my head, remove guilt, and poor his grace on me. We then got to the rest of our evening with church and good fellowship and well, God is just so good. We also talked about our marriage last night in small group and it is always so good for us to remember where we were and where God has delivered us to.
Now onto today. So I was very sad this morning as again I said goodbye to my husband to go out of town for the day and knowing once he gets back for a few hours he leaves again for 3 days. Now this morning he took Mya (shhh don't tell her school she was going on "day date" with her daddy, which is a perfectly good reason to miss school if you ask me!) So it was just bubba and I. We stayed home bc he has a plastic surgeon appt later today(he's getting a little botox and a little eyebrow lift.... IM JUST KIDDING come on people.) I promised myself 1.we would NOT leave the house 2. I would not change out of my jammies until he napped 3. I would drink my coffee the whole time it was hot and not periodically have to re-warm it.... for some reason all these things have not happen since im pretty sure we brought him home from Louisiana. And let me tell you IT WAS AMAZING!!! I even turned on Regis and Kelly while Payton played "ride the horse" on my crossed leg(my version of a work out for today). I even shed some tears bc it's Regis' last week and well let's face it Im just emotional today. Come on Regis has been on TV since I was 3 yrs old!!! So, anyway I didn't even feel guilty or rushed. Normally I make myself go somewhere or get stuff done. I even did a couple loads of laundry and THAT didn't even seem like a horrible task. I had the urge to dust, I resisted.
Wow, amazing how rushed we make our lives. Josh and I have both been having semi-frequent melt downs lately and keep saying, this pace can't go on. But for right now, there is nothing externally we can change. He has to work were work is even if its out of town. We have to finish this salon in our garage. We NEED to be in our small group. But I am realizing things that stress me out that I do have control over. I have control over what people say and the kind of situations I put myself in. I have said it before but will say it again for my own good.
I am not required to do or be like any other mom on this earth
I am not required to have the best dressed, most behaved children
I am not required to listen or be part of everyone life questions and situations, I am not their savior
I am not the center of every ones universe... just Josh's :)
I am my children's parent NOT there best friend
I am required to read scripture and be filled with Gods knowledge how to be a mom
I am required to take care of and discipline my children lovingly and to be consistent with it.
I am required to love my neighbors(friends family) and in love be there when I can, listen when I can, hug when I can, and most importantly pray for.
I am required first and foremost to know who I am in Christ so I can know who I am as a wife, mom, friend and also my place though small in the business world
At no time is God EVER as hard on me as I am on myself. At no time would he say the hurtful things to me that I say to myself. This is because when I looks at me He looks through Jesus' blood and sees me as perfect. He sees me as not guilty of any of the things I deserve. Daily I break at least one of the 10 commandments whether physically or mentally, all the same to Him. But now that I have asked for his forgiveness, admitted I need a savior that I can not live this life on my own accord... I am free. Free of all the strongholds I once held, free to live my life without ever wondering if I am doing it right. Because it doesn't matter, I did my eternity right... and I have no fear.
Hope your day is amazing and if not I pray you turn to the one who can permanently turn it around
laura
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