Well we will see if it's possible to do a 20 min blog post :-/ I kinda doubt it. I need to share that I am a little nervous as I have a GI (gastrointestinal) appointment tomorrow. Last week I had a doctors appointment and we checked iron levels, hemoglobin and for Celiac's disease. Everything was normal and I will humbly say I was more than relieved to find I do not have Celiac's. I know many who do and respect the effort they have to put into there diet. I fear though that something in that court is on it's way to the Hejl household. I have had the worst "feeling" year since all my surgeries and such. I have had way to many outbreaks of flu like symptoms and episodes that really hasn't cleared up for a month. I am not sleeping, eating or living well at the moment. It is a struggle to look online and hear from friends about ways of eating that MAY help my situation. For example I found I may be intolerant to yeast, egg yolks, nuts, and possibly meat. Well, I decided to take on the yeast removal and I really haven't felt more horrible and with no energy to top it off. My point being is I could literally take a year of my life trying all these things or I could just go see the doc and possibly get some answers. My husband and I both feel we need to put all other things aside until this is figured out because we just can't live not knowing if I will be laid up for days or weeks at a time. It makes are already stressed season in life that much more exhausting.
Yesterday in my Sunday school class our teacher, my handsome husband, gave us a verse he was praying for us all during the week. Part of it stuck out to me and that's 2 Corinthians 12:9 "...'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." So my friends I am boasting all my weaknesses to you in this moment! I so badly need the power of Christ in this moment. I know, I trust, I depend on the fact that this is God renew his steadfast love within me. This is God ridding me of part of a strong hold I have carried with me for the majority of my life. I say part of because the "thorn" that is my cut up, duct taped body is not going to be renewed physically this side of heaven. I will always have to deal with it. But the burden it puts on my eating, the financial burden of continually searching and the stress it puts on our marriage, these are things I believe God is going to rid us of. He has given me more resources for things I know what to do with right now and I have to trust that after tomorrow or after they do more testing I will know what to do with all these things. I have to stop putting this off. I am at my end, I am on my knees. What an amazing place to be as God has shown me my excuses are gone. My distance from Him is too far and it's time for Him to pull my back into His care and not my own.
My weakness of dealing with being an adoptive mom, having a business, having a husband who has a business, and so many insecurities are all things that you can look forward to me fighting to work through. Right now though, my health and our families future health I believe is depending on this next week or so. My dad says this year is going to be better, he says that every year. God bless him he's right. Not because each year I make more money, or because I have figured out how to parent, I have rid myself of guilt or we managed to have perfect 9-5 jobs with cheap daycare ;) It's a better year each year because our issues our stresses get more refined they get so hot that we forced to deal with them so God can use us more and more. He can't used sick Laura on the couch, taking pain pills, shaking from dehydration. With my mind only able to handle TV. He can't use Laura ridden with guilt about what and how she's raising her children and how she's failing to nurture and put her family first. And so my friends God is going to fix this, maybe not in a way the human eye can see or ever figure out, but I can tell you one thing, my heart will feel it. My joy WILL return.
God bless you,
laura
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