Have your way

I was driving home from dropping off Miss Mya (and I may or may not having been passing through Starbucks on the way) and of course Payton fell asleep.  So instead of our normal dance music I turned it on shuffle on turned it down.  My mind began to wander and think about my past, non enjoyable, 2 weeks.  I started thinking about why it seems at times God is not speaking to me, not listening to my prayers, and not helping me make decisions to get through tough times.  Then on came the song "Have Your Way" by Britt Nicole and my mind started changing directions.  I began thinking of my dear friend who introduced me to this song, Chrystelle, and how she just recently posted this song on facebook.  We have had MANY discussions in the past about feeling as though God is not answering our cries and wondering why we just can't seem to get out of a hard trial.   It hit me that to truly live out the words in this song is such a commitment and such a test of faith and trust.  It's one thing to just say "have your way God!" but then continue to use our human minds to decide what that looks like.  It's another thing to say, "I'll stop searching for the answers, I'll stop praying for an escape, just have your way".  In times of hurt and despair our faith in Him to hear us, carry us and give us peace needs to outweigh the feeling of loneliness and even anger.  These past weeks I have had physical hurts and pains but I should see his provision through my friends and family loving, praying for me.  My friends Sara, Affton and Chrystelle bringing me/my family food.  Chrystelle driving me to a test when Josh was out of town, partly for safety mostly for support :)  Most of all my family taken care of by moms who are always willing to help out.

The next song on was of course, "The Power of the Cross" by Natalie Grant.   'Nuff said, I mean seriously what hasn't Christ overcome through the power of the Cross.

Next song, "Oh Glorious Day" by Casting Crowns.  Oh man, this made me go to a conversation with my dear friend and we both shared out hearts ache to have our heavenly Father come and bring us to our eternal home.  She is on what seems to be a never ending uphill battle and the mud holes just keep showing up.  Life on this earth just doesn't seem to go by fast enough when you are praying to be removed from it.  Honestly these past weeks I am just so sick of my broken body.  I'm so tired of being the "sick" one.  I'm worn out from taking a thousand supplements to supply all I lack, going and talking to a thousand doctors who all have different opinions, reading health articles, talking about intestines.  Mostly thinking every day about every decision I make as it relates to my body: will it be too much for  me? do I need to eat differently? will there be adequate bathrooms around? If I don't think about these things or live life focusing more on me and my health I get hurt or sick.  When I do get hurt or sick I am sad to see it rip apart my husband who in his mind I know is thinking about what life would be like if I would get something more than  a two week illness, what happens if/when we get the call that the cancer has returned.  I am starting to see him think of me being wore down and beaten as a new normal that we need to just put into our permanent life calendars.  I AM TIRED of this earthly broken, cut open/sewn up, and sickly body.

"You never promised this road would be easy but You said You would never leave.  You never promised this life wasn't hard but You said you'd take care of me" His promises outweigh our disbelief.  Just because we are tired and questioning his promises, doesn't change the truth of them.  One day we believers will be done with this earthly bodies, done with these never ending trials and live in perfect form with our Saviour..."Oh Glorious Day!!"
May you live your weekend trusting in his promises, reading his word and praying without ceasing. " Thank you Jesus your word is more mighty than our weakness."


laura