A post from a post: A quote to quote

I'm so excited to be posting today!  I have been going over and over different things I would like to sit down and blog.  All that went out the window when yesterday I read a friends blog post to "Expresso and Cream" http://espressoandcream.com/2012/05/no-fat-talk-tuesday-lizas-story.html.  You definitely need to check it out!! Also she has a great blog herself at Elle Jay http://ldeyounge.blogspot.com she is a women who has very intellectual, calming, thoughtful taste.  Her passions are deep and thought provoking and her beauty radiates from the inside right on through to the outside.  Thank you Liza for being honest truthful and inspiring to me!!
All that said there where a few things in her story that really made me dig and think.  When she listed the things that God has created her body to be and not a list of things He didn't create her for, it got me thinking.  What is my list? Can I even make a list??  What is it exactly that God has created me for?  I in fact am embarrassed to be almost 32 and not be happy with who I am.  I feel like I am constantly fighting who I am because I think it must be a mistake :)  I have fought the feeling of being average my whole life.  I was kinda good at sports, I was kinda good at music, I was kinda good at school, I was kinda pretty, I was kinda popular ( in the sense that most I knew a decent amount of people and was liked by most).  But I have felt most my life that until you excel at something you are really only well.... nothing.  So I kill myself with picking areas and trying to excel to some degree.  For example I am your typical "I can't wait until monday to start this new diet! I can't wait until monday to be a better meal planner!! I can't wait until monday to start a chore chart for my kids! I can't wait until monday to work out everyday!!!"  I lodve the planning, it makes me feel organized and pro-active, it's the carry out I lack perseverance in.  Mostly because my heart is not there.  I actually don't love dieting, working out endless hours, or making chore charts.
Now a quote also from Liza's story " ”Everybody is a genius.  But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Hook line and sinker that is me!!!  
"God why can't I be an amazing singer I love music!! God why can't I be an amazing mom I love my kids!! God why can't I be a super fit protein loving marathoner I love how they look!!!"  Sounds silly but this is my mind.  And I would venture to say it's in some of yours as well.

Ok time for the positive.  Because since I have been thinking on this for 24 hours God HAS revealed some things to me.  Starting way back in high school, I did love drama(theater and such) and if must pat myself on the back I was pretty darn good at it.  Now at this stage in my life I pray God will use that to glorify him use my ability to reach out to people and talk to people.  

Even if I can't sing I still love my soul's thirst for music.  God has cultivated it from just diggin' music to craving music to glorify him.  Music is not just background noise for me.  I have different artist, different songs for different moments.  Once I recognized my mindset and emotion involved I threw myself into finding christian artists that spoke more than just words.  I love that my kids jam out to my music and when we pull up to stop sign with windows down the bass is just a little louder and we are bobbing our heads just a little more than the average family.   I love that Gods rules are this "to glorify my name"  and that I can be in that state of mind exactly how he created me.  He didn't create me to love to dance so that I would have to tell myself not to dance. He didn't create me to love a certain kind of music so I would have to tell myself to only listen to other music. (He did in a BIG way change my view point on what was appropriate for my mind however).  

I am still working on loving the mom I am.  I do love that I am not fitting into the mold of nice, moral, children that do what they are told but don't understand why that's important.  I do love that Mya( and someday Payton )will be able to tell you exactly the reason Jesus had to die on the cross for us, and exactly how it is you have security in eternal salvation.  I love our house may be insane, no not just at times: but Jesus is the center and the core of that is so freeing to me because no matter how much we screw up our kids God is sovereign and it is up to me to share the gospel with my kids but up to him to reveal it to their hearts.  praise God!!

I am still working on loving my body.  I know how I want to feel and how I want to look.  My body needs healther things but I am not making time for it.  My body needs to be working out more, but I am tired.  I am however, trying to go back to finding my style which helps my joy factor.  Why did I stop wearing the things I like?? Why change my style to comfort when I love fashion and all things girly!? silly me.

Well I have to go cut some hair now.  Enjoy your making your own list today!!!

laura