Have your way

I was driving home from dropping off Miss Mya (and I may or may not having been passing through Starbucks on the way) and of course Payton fell asleep.  So instead of our normal dance music I turned it on shuffle on turned it down.  My mind began to wander and think about my past, non enjoyable, 2 weeks.  I started thinking about why it seems at times God is not speaking to me, not listening to my prayers, and not helping me make decisions to get through tough times.  Then on came the song "Have Your Way" by Britt Nicole and my mind started changing directions.  I began thinking of my dear friend who introduced me to this song, Chrystelle, and how she just recently posted this song on facebook.  We have had MANY discussions in the past about feeling as though God is not answering our cries and wondering why we just can't seem to get out of a hard trial.   It hit me that to truly live out the words in this song is such a commitment and such a test of faith and trust.  It's one thing to just say "have your way God!" but then continue to use our human minds to decide what that looks like.  It's another thing to say, "I'll stop searching for the answers, I'll stop praying for an escape, just have your way".  In times of hurt and despair our faith in Him to hear us, carry us and give us peace needs to outweigh the feeling of loneliness and even anger.  These past weeks I have had physical hurts and pains but I should see his provision through my friends and family loving, praying for me.  My friends Sara, Affton and Chrystelle bringing me/my family food.  Chrystelle driving me to a test when Josh was out of town, partly for safety mostly for support :)  Most of all my family taken care of by moms who are always willing to help out.

The next song on was of course, "The Power of the Cross" by Natalie Grant.   'Nuff said, I mean seriously what hasn't Christ overcome through the power of the Cross.

Next song, "Oh Glorious Day" by Casting Crowns.  Oh man, this made me go to a conversation with my dear friend and we both shared out hearts ache to have our heavenly Father come and bring us to our eternal home.  She is on what seems to be a never ending uphill battle and the mud holes just keep showing up.  Life on this earth just doesn't seem to go by fast enough when you are praying to be removed from it.  Honestly these past weeks I am just so sick of my broken body.  I'm so tired of being the "sick" one.  I'm worn out from taking a thousand supplements to supply all I lack, going and talking to a thousand doctors who all have different opinions, reading health articles, talking about intestines.  Mostly thinking every day about every decision I make as it relates to my body: will it be too much for  me? do I need to eat differently? will there be adequate bathrooms around? If I don't think about these things or live life focusing more on me and my health I get hurt or sick.  When I do get hurt or sick I am sad to see it rip apart my husband who in his mind I know is thinking about what life would be like if I would get something more than  a two week illness, what happens if/when we get the call that the cancer has returned.  I am starting to see him think of me being wore down and beaten as a new normal that we need to just put into our permanent life calendars.  I AM TIRED of this earthly broken, cut open/sewn up, and sickly body.

"You never promised this road would be easy but You said You would never leave.  You never promised this life wasn't hard but You said you'd take care of me" His promises outweigh our disbelief.  Just because we are tired and questioning his promises, doesn't change the truth of them.  One day we believers will be done with this earthly bodies, done with these never ending trials and live in perfect form with our Saviour..."Oh Glorious Day!!"
May you live your weekend trusting in his promises, reading his word and praying without ceasing. " Thank you Jesus your word is more mighty than our weakness."


laura

Mediocrity: not a good life goal

Good morning!  Well on my heart lately is the fear of mediocrity.  (lets just dive right in here, huh?) :)  In the depths of my soul and in God's promises to me I know I am not created to be average yet that is how I feel I get through my day.  It seems everything I do is with little ambition and and mild passion.  This leaves me feeling hollow and robbed of joy. In 2 Timothy 4: 7 Paul says he has, "fought the good fight, finished the race, kept the faith".  Have I done these to some extent? yes, but if you back up to verse 6 he talks about offering himself in death after a life full of sacrifices to God, a full life, a lived to the fullest.  Some people may have a different idea of what a full life entails.  I believe as a follower Christ it means living out every part of my day as small or big as it may be, to glorify him.  In a bigger picture making changes if that is not happening.  I read this morning "if you keep doing what your doing you'll keep getting what your getting".  Very true.  I keep living average I'll keep getting average.  
I get sick of paying the bills just to make sure there is barely enough money to get through to the next set of bills.  I'm tired of thinking about the next day like a chore or a check list and just am waiting to get through to the end of it.  Making food begrudgingly to make sure no one starves, cleaning my house just enough child protection doesn't take away my kids.  Mostly lately taking care of my body just enough to fit into my biggest pant size I own.  
When did my life become so insignificant?  Didn't God rescue me from cancer?  Didn't God save me from 12 surgeries?  Didn't God allow my husband and myself to be saved into his eternal grace? Didn't God very purposely give me two children to raise??  How is it so easy to just throw these things to the wayside??  I read a friends blog yesterday whom they are struggling, excuse me LIVING in Gods grace, day to to day watching their new twin boys fight for life in the NICU.  "Chase Life"  http://ryanandbarbara.wordpress.com/  you will walk away blessed from reading it.  The dad mentioned that when we are in our times of struggle we live day to day dependent on God's grace. Ryan said, " Does it really take “grace” from God to wake up, go to work, eat some food, watch TV, and run errands?"       

Such a statement makes you think about your day and whom you are really relying on to get through.  I think I am not used to living life on my own merit.  This is a disappointing way to live.  I know because I have lived both ways.  I have lived in God's refreshing water, his life and word pouring into me and causing me to have hope in each day I was given.  I looked at family, friends, my body as a gift.  I have lived praying for his will and trusting in his plan, screaming out in pain and anger and then feeling his presence and relief.  

I thought awhile back I just was missing drama in my life because for 10 years or so this has been Josh and my life...situation after situation.  As it turns out what I am noticing is that right now we are just sailing through life on our own timeline and IT IS LONELY and UNFULFILLED!!  I have been told to "take a stress break and to not live in chaos", if this is what taking a break feels like then clock me back in.  I have been praying about what it is we need to do to change this and I believe the first step is me recognizing what this feeling is.  We don't need to do things to obtain a better lifestyle: we don't need to make more money, we don't need a huge home, we don't need perfect health, a perfect job- we need Gods' grace.  And in order to get that we need to step out of our comfort zone and into his hands.  We need to jump off the cliff he has called us to (ok, not literally here people) and change it up a little.  Has He not lived up to his promises book by book in the bible? Prophecy by prophecy?

  My prayer is that I can have faith like Paul did and sacrifice to "fight a good fight, keep the faith and finish this race".  I don't just want to finish the "rat race" that I am finding is death in itself, I want to finish God's race which ends in a crown of righteousness from a righteous God.  Also, that I continue to stay in his word and in christian fellowship as this world so easily temps me to crawl into my comfort hole filled with pity and sadness.

God bless your gifted day whatever it may be!!